Friends and Family Of a Transsexual
By Stephanie Castle
I had discussed the strategy of dealing with those spiritual matters with the senior psychiatrist at the dysphoria clinic I attend. As usual she was supportive and readily agreed to meet with both my children if they wished.
They did in fact meet her a week or so later and came away considerably reassured, if not totally convinced. The three of us then met for dinner about a week later, and I believe I answered their further questions as fully as possible, but no matter how good one is at the conversational arts there are always matters which are overlooked or glossed over.
I then decided to write a detailed explanatory essay on transexualism which incorporated a capsule history of my life from a transexual point of view. It ran to 18 pages and was written with the greatest of care, with clarity and with total honesty. I gave each of them a copy and awaited their comments. My daughter said it was very well written and in the final analysis she only wanted me to be happy, and if this meant happiness to me she accepted it.
My son was less voluble, merely saying "its fine", which is about par for the course with him. None of my friends of course would have had the advantage, if they had wished it, of seeing the psychiatrist, but a full verbal explanation with a copy of the essay as a follow up seems to have so far worked very well.
People are inevitably mystified when suddenly confronted with a set of circumstances which the transexual has had years to think about and make plans to deal with, so if one is intent on bringing them into the picture as full an explanation as possible will always be appreciated. It is probably always going to be a calculated risk when dealing with family and friends as to how they will react as so much depends upon their characteristics, quite apart from your most careful explanation.
I travelled to England recently to put my english relatives in the picture. My brother, who had no inkling as to what I wanted to talk to him and his wife about, almost fell off his chair with an exclamatory "bloody 'ell." I thought he was about to die of shock, but his wife's intelligent and quiet listening got him back on track and it turned out very well with strong assurances of support. If I had taken him into my confidence alone I suspect that he might have forbidden me to mention it to his wife!
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